#I have to keep reminding myself this is fanfiction and not my professional work

[dilfluvrr10]

Joost x music journalist!reader where joost invites them for a show and they thinks its for work but actually he did it bc he likes them 🤭

Guysss I just wrote thisss. This is my first fanfiction I've ever written, pls pls pls feel free to send through any feedback good and bad. I really hope I managed to satisfy your request. Thank you <3

Lmk if you're interested in a Part 2

╭── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╮ The Interview ╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╯

I looked through my closet unsure of what to wear, do I go concert or casual tonight? This was going to be huge for my career, interviewing THE Joost Klein, so of course I was stressing over every detail. I settled on a classic little black dress, nothing too much, enough to make a good first impression. I glanced at the time repeatedly while doing my makeup, the closer it crept to 7:00pm, the more anxiety started eating at me. I packed my bag and drove to the venue, practicing each and every question, my facial expressions, my laugh, my smile, every detail. I admit, Joost was an attractive man, a confident man, and a great musician, maybe that’s why I was so worked up. That’s definitely why I was so worked up. I’d been following Joost’s career before his stardom reached an all time high after Eurovision, I had to remind myself to keep my composure and leave any fangirling behind.

When I received the invitation I was absolutely thrilled, jumping up and down like I was a teenage girl again. However, it was different from the usual press releases I’ve received, addressed to me specifically instead of my publication. Despite my usual professional demeanour, I couldn’t help but feel a flutter of excitement. When I finally arrived at the venue my anticipation only intensified. I glanced in the rear view mirror one last time, ensuring every hair was in place, took a deep breath and stepped out of the car. I had been instructed to enter through the same way production entered and meet Joost in the green room before he was expected on stage. Backstage was buzzing, ensuring everything for tonight’s performance was perfect. I navigated through the organized chaos, my heart pounding with each step closer to the green room.

There he was sitting around a table laughing and joking with his friends in Dutch. “Heyyy you’re here! I’m so happy you came”, his signature smile plastered on his face causing one of my own in response. He told his friends we were doing an interview and to so kindly leave, each one greeting me with that European charm before exiting the room. He gestured for me to sit down where comfortable. He sat loosely on the couch, adorned in black jeans, a white button up paired with a black tie and his signature thick rimmed glasses and gloves to tie it all together. God black was his colour. His cuffs rolled up, revealing a scatter of tattoos on his forearms and biceps. I sat on the chair closest to him but not on the couch next to him, trying to keep it as professional as possible. I really wanted to squeal, ask him for a photo and tell him all about how much his music resonated with me.

“Thank you so much for the invitation, I really appreciate this Joost”, my nerves slipped away as we began talking, his energy warm and inviting. “No, no, I’ve wanted to meet you for a while now actually…” his words hung in the air, his eyes darted around my face as if he was unsure how I would react. “Really, you know me?” I was stunned by the idea of Joost being aware of my work. A soft smile played at the corners of his lips as he nodded. “You’re works amazing, you have this way of talking to people that just…opens them up, you know?”, the sincerity of his words hit me hard. My heart fluttered and I felt my professionalism slowly decay. He shifted in his seat adjusting his pants and clearing his throat. He was feeling the change of mood too. As I thought of something to say to change the subject I noticed his gaze kept falling to my lap. My dress had lifted a bit, my thighs exposed a little. I began to feel hot and bothered, my cheeks burning red, his subtle smirk didn’t escape my notice, only adding to my discomfort. He clocked on to my embarrassment, shamefully, it fed him with confidence. “I used to watch your videos on YouTube, when you were working independently. Seeing you now here in front of me…you’ve really, grown up” he cooed with a meaning I couldn’t quite grasp. I cleared my throat, trying to shake off the rush of heat that grew in my body. “Thank you Joost, that means a lot coming from you,” I replied, hoping to steer the conversation back to professional grounds. “So, how are you feeling about tonight’s concert? Any pre-show rituals?”

He chuckled, the sound sultry and pleasant. “Just hanging out with my friends, like you saw. We try to keep it light and fun. Music is about connecting with people, so I try to keep that spirit alive before I go on stage.” I nodded, jotting down notes even though I recorded interviews on my phone. It was more to keep my hands busy and give me something to focus on other than his heavy gaze. Our conversation flowed easily after that, and the interview wrapped up nicely. He stood up, offering his hand to help me up from the chair. His touch was warm, lingering just a moment longer than necessary. “I’m glad we finally got to meet,” his eyes held mine for a heartbeat longer before he glanced away, a hint of shyness creeping into his demeanour.

Just then, one of his crew members popped their head into the room, announcing that it was time for Joost to get ready. He turned to me, his smile back in full force. “Enjoy the show. I’ll make sure you have a great view.”

I smiled back, my heart fluttering again. “I’m sure I will.”

[iwriteasfotini]

My favorite thing about Ao3 is the ability to go back and edit my published works. I don't think everyone does this, but I do! And it is tedious and time consuming (mostly because I keep a master google doc of each work so BOTH have to be edited), but the part of me which recognizes I can always do better gets excited every time I make an "improvement" edit. Even if it is just fixing a typo.

Maybe some people feel embarrassed thinking about editing their work. They think doing so waves a huge red flag to the wider community that there was something wrong with their writing to begin with. There was not! We are all human and make mistakes. Small mistakes like typos, or bigger mistakes like poor characterization or a line of dialogue which doesn't sit right or too much foreign language text for other readers to find the work readable. ;-)

And of course you should own your story. Just because one person says they don't like something you did or they didn't understand a passage doesn't necessarily mean you should rush out to change it! It is your story and you get to write it exactly as you want to. But I am writing fanfiction because I am working super hard to get better at writing in general. So that feedback, while it is always taken with a grain of salt, is meaningful. It is so hard to judge and analyze your own work. Call it author bias. And being able to process feedback is part of being a writer. By posting to a public platform you are letting the world know you are ok with some level of feedback. Otherwise you could have kept that story for yourself on your google drive, or your word document, or your spiral notebook.

It takes bravery to share. As does admitting something could have been written better or differently. The great thing is, there is no reason to be embarrassed for making changes or corrections to your writing. First, hardly anyone has read it. Sorry but this is just the cold hard truth. Second, with every change or correction you make, you get a tiny bit better as a writer. And to become a master at something it takes millions of repetitions through which you move from being ok at something to being fantastic at it. This applies to every skill you are seeking to improve on. Writing words is fabulous practice for becoming a better writer. You literally cannot get better without doing so. Editing and changing and improving something you have already written is the next step.

So know that if you are a perfectionist (like me) who gets an unwanted surge of adrenaline when I realize I have made a mistake in my work you are not alone! I take a deep breath. Remind myself this is a good thing. And work to improve.

NO ONE JUDGES YOU HARSHER THAN YOURSELF.

Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself grace. Laugh it off. Enjoy the feeling of getting better.

There is also a point at which you should move forward with your works instead of spending your precious time constantly going back and making changes on old ones. And that choice is a personal one.

But as a novice I say a huge "hell yes!" for being able to edit my published works.

PS Trust your gut when it comes to beta readers. Not every beta reader is created equal. And as novices giving each other advice, overwhelming harsh criticism which endures and feels personal indicates you and your beta reader might not jive professionally. I have not had this experience. My beta reader(s) have been fantastic! But I know it happens. Don't let it discourage you if you are on the receiving end... don't give up on writing. Find yourself a new beta reader!

[ellekhen]

Hi there, I'm Elle! ✨

I write fanfiction for Avowed, BG3, Citizen Sleeper, and Dragon Age. I've also recently been getting back into fan art, which you can find under my art tag.

📚 Read on Ao3: ElleKhen 🦋 Bluesky: ellekhen.bsky.social

Thank you for visiting, and I hope you enjoy!

Scroll on for a list of my main works — both series and standalone. The art below is by Drathe, Valentina Paz, and myself.

Baldur's Gate 3 ⚔️

A tale of suns, moons, and our lives in between - MaleTav x Astarion

Stories centered around the journeys of the tiefling warlock Church, who seems intent on upheaving a cynical Astarion’s life of cruel and calculated chicanery. Whether it’s all for the better remains to be seen; but either way, Church isn’t going anywhere anytime soon — and Astarion finds he prefers it that way.

You can find more posts centered around these two in the #churchstarion tag!

No Hard Feelings - FemTav x Wyll

In which Wyll happens to falls in love with a cleric of Tiamat — one he has unknowingly met before.

The Constance of Time - FemTav x Gale

Fics inspired by @grovyrosegirl's OC, Connie Lamalet.

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Avowed 🍄

Somata - FemEnvoy x Kai

These are the stories of Kai and Stell, ranging from the silly, to the sappy, to the strange, and to the somber. It is thanks to these adventures together that Kai and Stell’s chaotic and rushed beginnings turn into a bond made stronger by their pasts; not in spite of them.

If You Could See Me Now - MaleEnvoy x Marius

Traveling with the imperial envoy has reminded Marius to expect the unexpected. Perhaps it should not have come as a surprise to him, then, that the one person who can see straight through him is someone who cannot see at all.

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Dragon Age ❄️

Here Comes Trouble - FemRook x Neve

When Neve found out that Varric's recruit was a fellow Shadow Dragon, she thought she knew what to expect. At the very least, she thought she could keep things professional with a fellow abolitionist. But Rook — or Ryo, as Neve has come to know her — turns out to be far more than just another Tevinter soporati who longs to connect with her Elvhen culture, despite its current reckoning. As Ryo tries her best to keep the whole damn world from falling apart, Neve slowly understands just why she wants to be by Ryo's side through all of it... no matter the cost.

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Citizen Sleeper 🌱

Sleeper, wake up. - Nonbinary Sleeper x Lem

the gods wait to delight in you - Nonbinary Sleeper x Peake

[cutely-inserts-my-opinion]

im ngl. nexus deserves such a redemption arc and i want to yoink him away from the ppl who are writing tsams ;v; watching the most recent villains podcast made me a liiiittle bit angry ^^;;

just.... i'm REALLY not a fan of how they handled his descent into villainy. having a mental breakdown (which is what the focus was fr him) lead to being super evil and power hungry really... feels both a lil bit ableist and also like a cop out in terms of "how did i turn into a villain" lore. not to mention the like... obsessed with bringing solar back -> apparently not caring about solar dying????? which i Really dont feel like they explained properly??? like . and then they make fun of the fans for wanting a redemption arc for him :(

feels really similar to how bloodmoon had a rlly good amount of sympathy built up fr him (the whole "only exists as a tool" thing) and then they relegate him to just. Simple One Dimensional Villain With No Chance For Redemption and don't understand why fans want him to have a redemption arc

and i do love this show!!!! i'm gonna continue to watch it and keep up with it. but MAN there are def some things to critique writing-wise, esp as an author myself :|

I was watching the villain podcast episode cause my friend told me to watch it because Nexus was in it, and I have to stop watching it caus ei got so frustrated with the whole "im a one dimensuonal power-hungry villain" thing

I love the show too, and I have to remind myself that this is a roleplay, its a fanfiction of the dca. Its not its own work, its not super super professional. As a writer it pisses me off too, but I have to remind myself its not that deep lmao

[aliteralsemicolon]

please feel free to ignore me because I'm sure I'm going to be very embarrassed that I posted this tomorrow, I just need to get this out before I go crazy.

lwk I miss being a new fanfic writer. there were no self made limitations, I was just freely experimenting based on vibes and not caring about repeating the same words. never going to thesaurus because I didn't gaf about giving a "professional" vibe to writing. never structuring my stuff accurately for creative writing, just structuring however the paragraphs/sentences visually matched the feelings I was trying to portray.

now it's just limiting because I keep wanting to one up my previous work and I just feel so robotic. I miss writing for vibes. Idk how to go back to it actually. like I'm just so bored writing now because I've fallen into writing to please readers and it's booorrrrinnngg. sorry. is that rude? would you be mad if this was my truth? because I'm bored. I'm tired. Anything I ever make is a product of my emotions and I can't make my work interesting if I'm bored. which is really sad because outside of writing I'm anything but bored.

this is not general readers fault, none of you have ever pressured me to write something. it's my own for placing invisible expectations on myself. my next fic will be last fic following this trend and then I'm going back to doing what I feel, in my own timeline. I will also go back to disconnecting from constant online engagement because that's making me create these unrealistic expectations.

sorry if I'm rambling, this is just a rant for myself to remind myself that this is my blog. it was created with the intent of sharing feelings I don't share irl, so that I have an outlet for that part of myself.

...but also is it ever that deep....I write Spencer Reid fanfiction...........

[eliashirsch]

I thought it’d be interesting to look back on how much my writing has improved in a year!

Top Gun is the only fandom I’ve ever fallen into a rabbit hole deep enough to want to write any serious fanfiction for. It’s actually why I approach my writing today in a ‘professional’ manner (actually revising and doing line edits etc) and for the first time in my life, I’m considering it as a viable career. So it’s safe to say Top Gun has changed my life in ways I never would’ve expected it. 

I knew of Top Gun from watching Maverick and was so impressed I decided to immediately go to Ao3 because I knew there were going to be some fics about Mav and Rooster (I remembered the exact moment I got home and opened my phone and was delighted to know I was right). Back then the tag wasn’t even official yet. It’s great to see it grow over a year! (I’m still refreshing the Top Gun Movies tag for any new fics. Does anyone do that still?)

So here’s the fic that I decided to write on a random day in June 2022, featuring Mav and the Dagger Squad after the mission, and Ice being exasperated over their antics. It’s a little silly, definitely in a time when team as family fics were popular. I actually wrote about 45k in two months, which was fast for me back then!

I think a canon event for a beginner fanfic writer is when a character ends up in the hospital, there’s a scene where their injuries are described in detail (which as a reader, I usually skim those). I think it’s to create a ‘realistic’ setting, but really, there are better ways to describe said character’s injuries. 

Looking back, there are a lot of scenes that feel very unnatural. Real people don’t really talk this way, it feels very like, cartoonish for them to reveal information this way. Again, just very fanfic-y. Not really good writing.

But I had a lot of fun writing these! The Daggers don’t exactly act like adults or have nuances and stuff. They’re mostly there for humor (or more like injecting my humor, which is kinda cringey when I read these back) but hey, at least I can look at these with nostalgia the same way a burnt-out artist looks back at their childhood drawing and remember the good times when life and pressure didn’t get in the way of creating.

Compare these with my more recent writings. I don’t know I just look at this and I’m proud of how far I’ve come. How better I am at pacing and characterization and making believable scenes and everything. It’s just asdkasjfhankakljk so proud of myself. (Excerpt from my fic.)

Another comparison, this one’s a first draft rather than a finished work. So it’s not super polished, but still infinitely better than how I started. I mean, you can even see the difference in format. I started out writing with Arial and a white background, and now I can't stand writing in anything other than a dark bg. Also, Calibri is the best font idc what anyone says.

That’s it! Thanks for reading to the end! A reminder that the more you practice and hone your work, you are going to improve! It’s possible, just keep going!

[aelinschild]

Hey Friends,

It's been a while. It's been a very long time. And, unsurprisingly, I would guess, I'm here to announce that I am done writing here. It probably comes as no surprise, given my considerable lack of activity over the last however long I've been gone. But, I felt like it would be good to have some closure, no matter what (maybe this is just for myself, who knows). 

Long story short, I'm in a completely new stage of my life at the moment. I'm in a new country, surrounded by new people, and facing a new challenge that is the beginning of the rest of my professional life. It's been a extremely tumultuous journey to get here, but it's a privilege and a honour I'm not taking lightly. But because of that, I've been focused elsewhere, rather than on writing. I actually don't think I have opened a Google doc in over three months, nonetheless thought of writing anything - and that does sadden me a little, I won't lie. But my priorities change, and so do my passions (and the medium I exercise them on). 

So, all of this is to say that my hiatus - whenever I posted about that originally - is now going to be permanent. And this comes from more than just my disinterest in fanfiction writing, and to keep it brief; I began to enjoy a different fandom, and over the course of a year, it proved to mess with my mental health tremendously. So much so that it was a large part of my original hiatus. I was reminded of it's negative impact on me when I, completely randomly, opened the tumblr app this evening, only to feel like absolute shit after closing it 20 minutes later. And I realized that, more than just getting closure on a passion project I really loved, I needed to delete this app for the betterment of my mental health. 

I'm not sure if I have an audience left, not that I really had much to begin with, but I want to thank everyone who supported me, encouraged me, and interacted with me during my writing period. Don't think I didn't see the silent likes and reblogs from the same accounts over and over - I did. And I appreciated them more than I can explain. 

Tumblr, and my blog, was an escape for a girl who really needed to find a community and a place to get out all these ideas about this obsession she had about her favourite book series, and I'm so grateful I found this space. Truly. But, the time has come to and end, and so I want to say goodbye. 

I won't be deleting my account, but I will be deleting the app. I don't have many fics, or much of substance, but I'll keep it up for whatever reason I cannot currently provide, but selfishly have. I will not ever likely be back, but there is a chance you'll see my writing again (very slim, so don't count on it) through a fic I partnered up with a very talented other writer to work on, that also hasn't been touched in many months, but I won't say never to finishing it just yet. No promises. 

Anyways, this is my long winded goodbye, so thank you if you made it to the end here, and thank you for even sticking around this long that you are able to read this. 

Forever,

Ace

[therentyoupay]

Hey Kris 🥹 I’m in the process of re-reading my fav of yours TON. I’ve always wondered how you came up with that prompt and if you always had an idea of where you were going with it? And if you always knew it would be this big/long of a monster. Also what drew you to the ship of Tahno and Korra? But also how are you doing? How’s data collection and your summer going? Have you been doing anything fun lately? 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 I hope you’re taking care of yourself!

HELLO MY LOVE. thank you, nonny, for your ask and for all of your sweet, thoughtful, considerate, lovely questions. 🥹💕 also, please know how much i deeply appreciate your ask and you still sticking around through all of my back-and-forth across fandoms! 💕😂 i always love and really appreciate that readers of my tahnorra, miraculous ladybug, and jelsa fanfiction are so willing to wait through the storm of rotating seasons (and sometimes, quite literally, as you know 👀🍁🍂🍃).

i made a post the other day like "this is it, it's autumn now, i have lit the apple wreath candle" and, as you might have surmised (and as you might similarly feel), this means we are officially heading into tahnorra season and that one night! 😂 time to drink café mochas (extra hot) and think about dissertations and crunchy leaves and autumn vibes!! 🍁🍂🍃☕️

i am already starting to feel the itch to finally write the last arc of that one night again, as soon as i finish the glorious, heart-consuming, soul-satisfying jelsa collab project with the gorgeously talented @callimara. ✨ and how beautiful it will be to finish this fic the same year as when i, personally, defend my dissertation???

could i have known back in 2012 that i would one day be wrapping up this mammoth of a fic 12 or so years later while finishing my own ph.d. program? (definitely low-key manifested my doctorate through this fic, i tell you 😂)

I’ve always wondered how you came up with that prompt and if you always had an idea of where you were going with it? And if you always knew it would be this big/long of a monster.

a monster, INDEED. 🤣

like at the center, it started as a series of micro-fic/drabbles/one-shots/single scenes occurring within the same AU! at that time in my life when i was first posting, i was wrapping up my undergrad, and transitioning to full-time work, so i didn't have a lot of time to write full-scale, plot-driven long!fic; however, in undergrad, i learned a very valuable lesson while attending one of our professional development trainings, which really proved to me the necessity of allowing myself time to dabble in creative hobbies like writing, even if i could only produce a little bit every day.

quick reminder and anecdote to PRIORITIZE and KEEP UP with your hobbies for your mental health (and the exact moment, 13 years ago, when i realized how truly important this really is):

at the life-changing professional development training, we learned strategies and framework-driven ideologies for how to spot concerns re: our residents' mental health, especially with the first-year college students who were in my building. at one point, the lecturer pointed out a fact that really resonated with me, based on my first three years of my undergrad:

in many cases, when a person moves to a new environment (new "life" or "lifestyle"), as is the case with many young adults moving to an independent college-based lifestyle and being on their "own" completely for the first time, the first things that "drop" from people's minds/behaviors/habits/lifestyles are their hobbies, especially if individuals associate their hobbies as part of their "old" lives or their "younger" selves.

i sat in the audience, totally shocked. "that's me??"

my middle/high school friends and i had been writing handwritten fanfiction to each other on fancy paper for christmas and birthdays for years (i still have all of them!!). i had written from age 11 to age 18 and then when i got to college i got so caught up in the "college life" (social life, academic work, parties, NEW hobbies), that i completely........ let go of writing creatively...... i hadn't even thought of fic in months.

that night, after the workshop, i went home and opened up FFNET for the first time in 3 years, and i read until like 3 in the morning. three months later, i got a comment on an OLD harry potter fic asking if i would ever update, and i posted a new chapter a few weeks later. 💕 and i have not stopped since! 😂

so the reason that stories like that one night and at the center exist is because i was trying my best to take the lesson to heart, to make sure i was always writing a little bit, all the time, (almost) every day. i started with an AU premise, i opened my tumblr askbox for prompts (in the case of that one night), i let myself imagine what kinds of scenarios could happen in this AU at this stage in the characters' development, and i thought of all the connections i could make between various characters/canon plot points/rapport-building between characters/backstories, and i wrote a little bit every day before and after work, and posted them pretty much immediately. 😂

the problem with cool thing about this kind of thought experiment, however, is that you end up accidentally creating rich, full, detailed mental landscapes and emotional contexts and goals and hopes and fears for the characters in them, and then before you know it a plot develops (and 14 more wild sub-plots appear!!!) and you're suddenly 100k 200k 300k words deep into the lives that you've constructed for these characters. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 and now you've accidentally created a full-length, long!fic over the past decade, with extensively detailed slice-of-life!worldbuilding by accident!

thank you so much for letting me know that you RE-read that one night! 😭😭😭😭😭💕💕💕😭😭😭💕💕 it really means a lot!

Also what drew you to the ship of Tahno and Korra?

why do you ship tahno/korra? (post from may 10, 2013!!)

i also ship other ships in lok (including korra/asami!) but tahnorra has always always had a special place in my heart! as you'll see in the post, i have always really loved this kind of character, characters like tahno are SO interesting to me, and i always love to think about their backgrounds, the ways and whys of and hows of who they are. i was really drawn to this ship even when they were "evenly-matched" (@evenly-matched) rivals, and then once he lost his bending i wanted to explore the idea of a proper redemption arc/personal growth in tahno. 🙏 and then after i got to know their characters better (i.e., my interpretations of them) from writing the break the ice series, i decided that it would be fun to get to know them in a context that i, myself, was hoping to explore in my real life. 😂 i started to write that one night when grad school (master's degree) was just a goal on my radar! i continued writing it while i got my first master's degree, and, although i'd known for 10+ years that i would one day get a PhD, i never actually expected to be completing the fic the same year (and getting tahno to get his bio swamp phd 😂) the same year that i would get my phd. 😂💕

But also how are you doing? How’s data collection and your summer going? Have you been doing anything fun lately? 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 I hope you’re taking care of yourself!

thank you so much you thoughtful creature, you. 😭💕 I AM DOING SO WELL, THANK YOU. data collection is going really well (all the time i can't believe that i'm getting paid to DO THIS, to develop this RESERACH, to study this!!!) and i imagine I'll still be collecting new data through november, and finalizing my analysis and diss manuscript in december (gotta submit it for committee review by january 1st!!!), so it's about to be BUSY, haha!

this summer, i have really been grateful to make money, work on my fun projects, be grateful for the ins and outs of learning to be a homeowner, spending time with family and friends, and reflecting on the past four years of my phd program, and the year ahead. 🥹 it's been a calm summer! i was really leaning into this 'calm before the storm' and i'm so ready to get back into the swing of academia and finally complete this beautiful doctoral program experience and finally finish half a decade's (and more, honestly) worth of hard work. 🥹💕

I’m in the process of re-reading my fav of yours TON.

seriously, this means so much to me. 😭😭😭😭😭😭💕 THANK YOU SO SO MUCH. i hope you have an AMAZING DAY, and that you're ready for ton!!autumn!!! thank you for your patience, your support, and your thoughtful, lovely, lovely ask 🥹💕 ilu!

[coff-in]

you don’t need to apologize! it’s easy to feel burnt out specially with how many requests you get

do things on your own pace! i hope you feel better soon!! (ps: we’ll patiently wait for new i.i.i chapters!!🎉)

— Dungeon Anon

i hope i feel better too! everyone has been really nice towards me so far, i'm just not used to having an audience like this ^^; it's my first time actively participating in a fandom, i'm usually a consumer of content, so when i started making stuff i tried to live or keep up with the expectations i had for creators as a consumer and i'm realizing that the expectations i have are NOT forgiving :(

big vent talk (don't feel like you have to read it all)

i want to post something-- anything really-- to make sure that:

you guys know that i'm still active (my biggest fear is finding wonderful content made by wonderful creators and figuring out that they're inactive or on a undisclosed hiatus-- which is their right to do so, ofc! i don't say this to be intentionally rude or entitled)

to keep your attention (i like reading your asks and requests and they actively help me expand my own thoughts and ideas by introducing me to concepts i wouldn't have thought of before)

however, i think by keeping myself up to this "professional" standard i have in my head, i've sort of been taking the fun out of writing your requests little by little. i don't want to put blame on my audience and i entirely take blame or fault or burden for my feelings and thinking when approaching all this. like, i notice that i answer more conversational asks quicker than i do more formal one (ie i'll answer "hey coff-in! tell me your thoughs..." before i'll tackle "could i request...") it's also my fault for keeping my inbox open all/most of the time. i've gotten so used to the joy and happiness of getting an ask or request that i honestly get worried when i don't see a notification next to my inbox in the morning or before i go to bed.

i have a bad habit of getting really attached to fandoms and projects and then just... not finishing them. now that i have an audience, people who come to me (my blog), i fear about disappointing them when i have nothing to show. i've been working on other little side projects so i don't over-saturate on tcoaal and lose interest (i have new books to read, i'm working on a ren'py visual novel, i have dnd planned with online friends) and they bring me joy, but i'm constantly plagued with the thought that i'm doing something wrong by not working on something tcoaal related. and when i do answer requests or write for indulgence in isolation, i'm afraid that is isn't good enough. i know that it's a silly expectation to have-- i'm not a professional by any means, i'm a 19 year old student who barely goes outside-- but it just HAUNTS me. it makes me scared...

... i try to keep pushing though. i know that my characterizations of andrew and ashley aren't anything close to canon or as good as canon but that's to be expected, no? i'm not nemlei and these aren't my characters so i'm not going to feel as comfortable writing for them as i do my ocs and orginal characters.

i'm mostly just fighting myself these days.

i'm happy that you guys get that though! you guys don't force or demand me to write or answer requests... i just, i'm just so grateful to have you guys here to stumble upon my little blog. i've gone from posting little ficlets i've written in my notebook to nobody to answering requests and writing multi chapter fanfiction and drawing oc art to about 110 people (and those who lurk) in about two months. i have to remind myself that it's reasonable to get stressed and feel overwhelmed and to overwork myself, it's my FIRST TIME doing this!! there's no real study guide to handling fame (and i've never been good at studying anything ^^;)

i'll try to get writing out but it's probably won't be daily anymore (unless it's questions about my ocs, since i'm the most comfortable writing for my own characters) but it'll try to post something everyday. again, i'll also be writing for indulgence in isolation behind the scenes, too. i wanted to have longer chapters (about 3k-5k words) but i struggle producing 1.5k-2k words in about three days, so those updates may be a bit longer... i like writing, i'm just not good at it

i'm sorry for the long vent and all it's messiness. it felt nice typing it all out though. i've always felt like i had to explain my feelings somehow and it's nice to tell it to people instead of my empty bedroom aloud. it gives me a feeling of closure.

thank you all for listening and reading :) and thank you for your continued support

----

coff-in

[ohmeadows]

i hope this doesn't sound weird but, you're like, everything i want to be when i grow up.

you're a taken lesbian in your thirties, you play video games, you have this deep understanding of the characters, AND you write fanfictions about them. like seriously.

in a world where people are expected to be all serious and professional in their thirties, discovering your blog and you was such a breath of fresh air and a reminder that i don't need to be so scared about growing up. thank you for that (and all your incredible writing. truly an inspiration for me)

lmao thank you anon sucky 20s trying to live up to others expectations built this life

i was trying to align with my family's expectations of me as the youngest daughter and study tech. i couldn't do it. i was good at math but Things Happened in my late teens and i collapsed under the pressure. eventually i admitted to myself, yeah, i just want to write and read... and then put pressure on myself to get into the best possible university for that so my family would still be proud. (hint: they weren't.)

so, you know. be kind to yourself. i was a total failgirl in my 20s, btw, for many reasons. people will be disappointed in you. you will be disappointed in yourself. and you recover and have fun again. and fun for me is literary and cultural analysis, researching, video games and writing.

also you'd be surprised how unprofessional and unserious most 30-somethings i know are. finally gave up those supposedly prestigious jobs they were meant to thrive in but were destroying them and now work as something that fits their lives while focusing on hobbies? we're thriving in our own ways, best we can. work isn't that meaningful. it really isn't. i've been too disabled to work most of my adult life and life still has meaning. best thing is you keep discovering so many new facets in your 30s, like it's a whole new blooming.

[calchexxis]

FANFIC APPRECIATION MEME

FANFIC APPRECIATION MEME

Post recommendations for your ten favourite fanfics and tag the authors if possible. Tell us what you like about their work.

Tag five people of your choice to do the meme too."

I was tagged by @blood-lich-crow @heroinejinx and @ghostofyaz

Fair warning, I do not read much Fanfic anymore as I spend most of my time writing it, so some of these fics are probably going to feel really scattered. With that said, let’s get into it.

LIGHTCANNON (Lux/Jinx)

Non-Linear Growth by @booking-and-blogging (Elfen1012 on Ao3)

A lot of people reading my work have said that Flashbangs is the Lightcannon bible, but if that’s true then NLG by Elfen1012 is the Lightcannon New Testament. It hits the ground running from the perspective of a Jinx that is trying to piece herself back together after the end of Arcane and it is something to behold. I cannot recommend this enough.

Luxurious Anarchy by @cannibalelf (Cannibal_Elf on Ao3)

A kind of Soulmate-lite longform fic in which Lux is drawn across the span of Valoran to find her one-and-only: Jinx, mad and still struggling with the events of Arcane. This is just a really fantastic romp through the world of Piltover and Zaun, thoroughly enjoyable on every level. The prose are punchy, the narrative is clean, and I really enjoyed my time with it.

Friction Coefficient by @blood-lich-crow ( Blood_Lich_Maeve on Ao3)

I would argue this is probably the best Modern!AU Lightcannon on Ao3 right now, at least in my very subjective opinion. It gracefully deals with a lot of delicate topics like internalized (and external) homophobia and transphobia, trans issues, and addiction. This is one of the messiest romances I’ve ever read and I am here for it. 

PISTOLWHIP (Caitlyn/Jinx)

the lover of my impossible soul by Goldfyshie927 on Ao3

This Modern!AU features Caitlyn as a professional escort who is drawn into a relationship with the wealthy and chaotic Jinx in order to keep her father happy and convince him she had mellowed out somewhat. The profound sense of loneliness you get from both characters throughout the story, and the way they inelegantly mesh together is really profound, and I look forward to seeing more of this story come out. Big recommendation for very unusual ship.

SYLVAINA (Sylvanas/Jaina)

Vintage by (jointly) @redisaid and @uninspired--poet

How do I put this. To date, I’ve read the entirety of Vintage six times. Vintage isn’t just a fanfiction I think is good. Vintage is one of the fanfictions I go back reread every now and again to remind myself what willful romance is supposed to look like. In this Modern!AU where Jaina is a college student and scion of a wealthy family, while Sylvanas is the owner of a small, failing vintage goods shop in New York. It’s a story about falling in love and then choosing to stay that way despite the many things that crop up. It’s about coming up against the difficulties in relationships and choosing love, with all its messy difficulties, over the path of least resistance. Read this, I am begging you.

Fearless by @redisaid

This might be the best example of modern magic I’ve ever read. It’s as subtle as it is overt, and as entrenched a part of the world as it is wholly separate from it. Jaina, a ghost-eating witch, finds a house haunted by a powerful banshee, and fully intends to consume her for power. Over the course of the story, that changes, and everything from the side characters, to the small moments, to the strong finish has stuck with me to the point that it inspires aspects of my own writing.

Within The Drift by @uninspired--poet

It’s hard to do a good crossover, even when the crossover’s make a kind of thematic sense. Writing a good crossover when the two subjects have jack shit in common is testament to a great author’s skill. Within The Drift is a fantastically put together sci-fi/fantasy action-romance crossing over Pacific Rim with World of Warcraft, featuring Sylvanas and Jaina as contentiously drift compatible pilots. I’ve read this story back to front several times, and it never gets old.

KAZULA (Azula/Katara)

Measure Each Step to Infinity by paxbanana

Set in Post-Canon ATLA, Measure is fantastic enemies-to-lovers-to-wives story full of angst, intrigue, action, and redemption. It has one of my favorite depictions of Azula and, surprisingly, Aang, which the story humanizes wonderfully. Azula is as morally gray as ever, and her struggle to leave behind the horrors of war and emotional abuse inflicted on her by her father to be better, and Katara’s growing dedication and devotion to her over the course of the story is gripping.

KORVIRA (Korra/Kuvira)

you know you'd look good in my hand by Goldfyshie927 on Ao3

Phenomenal Modern!AU Kuvira fic and I will shamelessly plug this because I love a good bartender character. Kuvira and Korra instantly charm in the first chapter, and their friendship blossoms into a lot more. This is a story that’s impossible to summarize without spoilers, but it is an absolute rollercoaster of emotions, drama, angst, and disaster gays from start to finish and you’d be doing yourself a favor by reading it.

PILTOVER’S FINEST (Caitlyn/Vi)

Run At The Cup. by @thehomelybadger (TheHomelyBadger on Ao3)

I’ve reviewed this story before on this very blog so I really feel it’s necessary to have it here. I don’t read a lot of CaitVi but this one absolutely knocks it out of the park. Or rather, into the goal. Run At The Cup is a Hockey!AU, it’s a fantastic underdog story of a brand-new NHL team, the Zaun Sumprats, and it’s mix of sports jargon, action-packed hockey games, and interpersonal and political drama make for an absolutely gripping story.

[serendipitous-magic]

What is your writing advice for young people who want to write fanfiction and original stories in the near future?

If this is just Way Too Much, skip to the end (#16). My most important piece of advice is there. I also happen to think #5 is pretty good.

-_-_-_-

1) Literally just write. Write whatever you want, and do a lot of it.

_-_

2) You don’t have to post everything. In fact you don’t have to post anything. You can, don’t get me wrong, but it can be intimidating to sit down and think “I will now write something that other people will see and read and judge with their eyeballs.” Because that’s probably gonna lead to nerves and writer's block. Just write down the ideas that you have, the things you want to write, whatever’s in your brain that you want to explore and expand upon and make into something. And then if you want to, share it. Or don’t share it. I have plenty of half-baked ideas and documents and random story chapters and shit hidden away on my Google Drive that will never see the light of day, for a whole number of reasons. I wanted to write it but it wasn’t ~Spicy~ enough to warrant posting, or it’s only like an eighth of a good idea, or it’s like one scene with no story around it, or it’s just something incredibly self-indulgent I just wanted to write for my own enjoyment.

Point being, don’t write for other people. Don’t write so that other people can read it; write what you want, write for yourself, and then if you want to share it, do.

_-_

3) You can pretty much ignore any and all of these for fanfiction. In fact, you can ignore pretty much any rules or guidelines you want for fanfiction. Fanfic is a sandbox. You don’t have to be a “professional writer” to post fic. No one expects you to be Stephen King or Margaret Atwood. Fanfic is just for playing in a fandom and having fun. If you wanna write a 50 chapter slow burn with very little plot aside from the OTP slowly getting to know each other, and no real stakes or central conflict, I guarantee people would read that. Really, fanfiction is the Old West of writing: lawless, wild, unpredictable, and free.

However, here are the rules you must follow:

-Separate your paragraphs. (I’m sure you know this already, but I’m gonna say it anyway just in case.) Do not post one big block of text. Make a paragraph break when someone new is talking, when the characters are in a new place, when a new event occurs that changes the scene, when a chunk of time has passed, and when there’s a major change in subject.

-I know it’s obvious, but... grammar, punctuation, and capitalization. They exist to make writing easy for readers to read, and more people will read your stuff if they don’t have to stop and try to figure out what you meant.

-Use tags and labels, as is possible with whatever site you’re using. Especially if you include possibly triggering content in your story. Again, I know it’s obvious, but it’s common courtesy. Bonus: tagging the themes and content of your story helps readers find it and read it :)

-If possible, limit the use of all-caps and exclamation marks / question marks. 99% of the time, one ! or one ? will do. If you overload the page with a lot of all-caps and long rows of exclamation marks or question marks, it hampers readability.

... That’s literally all I can think of. And, like I said, it’s all pretty basic stuff. You were probably rolling your eyes like, “Uh, yeah, Gwen, I know.” But that’s literally it. You can pretty much do whatever you want in fanfic.

That being said, here’s my advice for both fanfiction and original work...

_-_

4) A quick and dirty rule for coming up with a plot, starting a story, keeping up pacing, or maintaining tension: figure out what dreams, desires, and goals are nearest and dearest to your main character’s heart (see #16). Then set up the main conflict to be directly in opposition to that goal. It doesn’t have to be in a tangible way, though it could be. But, if your main character wants more than anything to reach the ships on the southern coast of your world and sail to a new life, make sure the main conflict immediately prevents them from doing that - in fact, make sure to send them north. If your main character just wants to keep their loved ones safe, kidnap the loved ones. If your main character just wants to date their best-friend-turned-crush, make sure they think they have no chance - or, make them cocky about it, and make sure it makes Person B determined not to ever like them. You get it. Figure out what your character most wants, and then keep them from having that. Boom - your conflict now ties in with your character's motivation. It's like instant yeast for plots.

_-_

5) If you’re anything like me, you want your first draft to be Good, despite all that advice about how the first draft doesn’t have to be good and it’s just to get words on the page, yadda yadda. And if you’re somewhat of a perfectionist (like myself), it’s easy to get stuck looking at a blank page because you don’t have The Perfect Words, and you want what you write to be Good the first time.

Here’s how I cheat that:

Instead of trying to write a Good First Draft from a blank page, hit the enter key a few times, skip a little down on the page, change your ink to red (or blue, or whatever - just something immediately identifiable as Not Black) and just thought vomit. Write whatever the hell you’re thinking, exactly as you think it. Don’t worry about it being readable, don’t worry about narrative flow for now, don’t worry about covering all the details, don’t worry about anything except either a) getting all the details of your idea out onto the page, whether that’s a lot or whether it’s just a sentence or two, or b) if you don’t have an idea yet, finding your way there.

Because this method is also very good for finding your way to ideas when you’re stuck in writer’s block.

Because of how human brains work, getting this stuff out onto the page - in all its messy, stream-of-consciousness glory - will likely spark more thoughts. As you write your original idea about the scene, it’ll likely spark more ideas. Creation begets creation. If you just start thought-vomiting your ideas onto the page, chances are you’ll think of more things as you go, and you’ll start filling out description or dialogue or tone or action or whatever, and pretty soon the scene starts writing itself.

Not sure where you’re going with the scene or which ideas you wanna use? Use a lot of ambivalent language in your “thought-vomit draft.” My pre-writing notes are chock-full of the words “maybe,” “perhaps,” and the phrases, “At some point...” and “...or something like that.” In this way, I don’t tie myself down to one idea; it’s just an idea, and I’m keeping it on the page in case I use it, but I might chuck it in the trash or change it or whatever.

And then, once your ideas for the scene (or story, or chapter, or whatever) are on the page, then go back to the top and start translating them into a “real” first draft. Use black ink, and start copy-pasting chunks of the thought-vomit up into the top part of the document and translating them into Draft 1. Separate out paragraphs where paragraph breaks should be. Add the correct punctuation and whatnot. Change “describe the lobby here - include potted plants, fancy carpet, blood stain, etc.” into an actual description of the lobby. Flesh it out, or condense, or whatever it needs. And if you’re still stuck, change back to red ink and ramble some more until you find a path that feels right, then plug that in. This keeps you from looking at a blank page, and it allows you to generate a kind of Draft 0.5, somewhere between a plan and a first draft.

You don’t have to use every idea. Like I said, jot down whatever comes to mind, put a “maybe” before or after it, and keep working. If the idea grabs you and you wanna keep expanding on it and exploring it, cool. If you just wanna jot it down so you don’t forget it and then move on, also cool. Red-ink draft / “thought-vomit draft” is your time to jump around in the timeline, add or finesse details at whatever point your brain moves to, etc. Don’t try to do it exactly in story order, because you will get tangential thoughts and ideas, and you will not remember to write them down five pages later when you finally get to taking notes on that scene. Trust me. On that note...

_-_

6) Write everything down the moment you think of it. Seriously.

“I’ll remember it when I get around to writing that scene in a couple days / weeks / months (/years).”

You won’t.

Write it down.

Phone, journal, google docs - hell, my family regularly laughs at me for grabbing a napkin during dinner and scribbling thoughts down alongside pasta sauce stains.

And then, once you have it written down somewhere...

_-_

7) Consolidate your writing ideas in one place.

Maybe this isn’t really your style, and that’s totally chill.

Buuuut, if you’re Type-A like me - or if you tend to be somewhat unorganized and you know you’ll lose track of your writing notes if they’re scattered across multiple notebooks, journals, napkins, phone notes, etc. - having one consolidated document of notes is a life saver. I keep mine on Google Docs so I can access it, add to it, and look through it for inspiration anywhere at any time. When I have one of those Shower Thoughts that I jot down on my phone or on a napkin during dinner, I set myself a reminder on my phone to type it up in my Story Ideas document later.

(Or, if the idea I had was for a story of mine that I’ve already started planning / drafting / whatever, I put it in the document for that story instead of the Big Random Story Ideas doc. You get it.)

_-_

8) Have other ways to collect and save writing ideas, besides just writing stuff down. If you like Pinterest, make pinterest boards of your characters or stories or settings or whatever. If you’re big into playlists, make a playlist for your character / setting / story / etc. Or both. Or something else. I’m not good at drawing, but maybe you are, and maybe you like to draw your ideas. Whatever form it takes, having another way to save ideas and think about your stories is invaluable.

_-_

9) Some writers can just start writing with no idea where the story is going, and they just kind of figure it out as they go. I envy those writers. And I do that sometimes for fanfiction, where the stakes are somewhat lower and the audience is reading more for scene-to-scene enjoyment (and to see their OTP kiss) than for a Driving And Compelling Narrative.

But here’s the thing: especially if you’re just kind of starting out, writing without some sort of plan is really, really hard, and will likely lead you into a slow, meandering narrative that will likely frustrate you.

Even if you think you’re someone that just can’t write with a plan (and again, I have the highest respect for pansters out there - I don’t know how you do it, you crazy bastards, but you keep doing you) - even if you think “I can’t work with plans, they’re too prescriptive, I just want to write and see what happens -”

Try at least making the most skeletal of plans.

Even if you have no clue what 90% of the story is, yet. That’s fine. But you need to have some idea of what you’re building to, even if that’s nothing more specific than a feeling, or a turning point for your character. Even if your entire plan for everything beyond Chapter 1 is, “At some point, Charlie needs to realize that Ed was lying to her.”

This is where those Draft 0.5 notes come in handy. Because, more than likely, working on your current scene that way will spark ideas for later scenes, which you can put down at the bottom of the document and save for when they become relevant. In my experience, the line between planning ahead and making a Draft 0.5 is exceptionally thin. One can quickly turn into the other.

If you’re really, really resistant to the idea of planning ahead, that’s okay. It’s not everybody’s style. But for the love of all that is holy, write down your ideas for future scenes, even if you’re a person that doesn’t like to plan and writes only in story order, because you will not remember that idea once you get to that scene.

_-_

10) You don’t have to write in order.

Here’s the thing: I’m a person that can only do my Draft 1 in story order (meaning, chronological order). I just have to be in that flow; I need to write in story order for me to best channel where the character is at from scene to scene, both narratively and emotionally.

But my Thought Vomit Draft is another thing entirely. By using the brain hack of putting my notes in red (or another color, it doesn’t matter) and going down to the bottom of the document / page and taking notes there, and then integrating them into whatever plan I have, and then translating them into Draft 1 once I get there in the story - by doing that, I can get my good ideas onto the page (and expound upon them and let my muse carry me and ride that momentum while I’m in the moment of inspiration) without writing out of order.

Maybe that’s just me. But if you’re a person who really prefers to write in story order, that could be hugely helpful to you. It is to me.

_-_

11) Emotion and motivation will do more for your story than technicalities of plot.

If your characters really care about something, and their journey through the (shaky or weak) plot is emotionally engaging, it will be a much more compelling story than a story with a “perfect” plot and unrelatable or unmotivated characters.

If your characters care about what they’re doing, and it means something to them, and their goals and actions are driven by dreams or fears or emotions that are integral to who they are, your audience will care too. If you have a perfectly crafted plot that hits all the right beats and has high stakes and fast pacing and drama - but your characters don’t connect with what’s happening in a way that’s deeply meaningful or emotional for them? You’re gonna have a hard time engaging readers.

When in doubt, prioritize character emotion and motivation over plot. Emotion is what drives story.

This power is highly exploitable. (Just look at pulp novels and shitty but entertaining movies.) You can even use it to glaze over plot holes or reinvigorate a limp narrative. Use it that way sparingly, though. It’s a band-aid, not a surgery. 

_-_

12) Evil villains are hard to write - mostly because there are very few truly evil people in the world. (There are a few. Billionaires and several big name politicians come to mind.) But by and large, there aren’t that many evil people. There are plenty of bad people, but bad people have some good in them, somewhere in there. Trying to write an evil villain is hard, because they often turn very cartoony.

Here’s a tip: it’s much easier to write antagonists who aren’t evil. Even if they’re bad people. Of course, there’s no reason you can’t write a villain that’s just truly evil - a serial killer, or an abuser, or a billionaire, or someone who legit just wants to hurt people or blow up the earth or stay in control of an oppressed population, or whatever. But chances are, it’s gonna be really hard to make them feel real, and even harder to create a plot around them that doesn’t feel forced or contrived.

Instead, try writing an antagonist / villain whose motivations and goals directly clash with your protagonist’s - but not because they want to take over the world or see people suffer. Write an antagonist who’s chaotic good, but whose perception of the situation is completely opposite from your hero’s. Write an antagonist whose only desire is to save people, and who will do anything to achieve that goal - anything. Write an antagonist who believes in the letter of the law, and will hinder and oppose the hero’s methods even if they agree with the hero’s motivation. Write an antagonist who got in way over their head and did some things they regret, and now they don’t know how to get out, and they’re doing their best but whatever they set in motion is too powerful for them to stop now.

Write villains who are human. Write a killer who thought they were doing the right thing by taking their victim out of the equation, who vomits at the sight of the body and sobs over the grave they dig. Write a government leader who truly believes she’s doing what’s best for her people in the long-term, even if it might hurt them in the short term, and is willing to endure the hatred and belligerence of the masses if it means securing what she thinks is a better future for her people. Write a teenage bully that thinks they’re the one being picked on by the world, and they’re just fighting back, standing their ground. Write a scientist who will break any code of ethics and hurt anyone he needs to - in order to bring back his baby sister from the grave, because he promised her he’d protect her and he failed. Write an antagonist who is selfish and self-centered and capricious - because in order to survive they had to look out for Number One, and that habit ain’t about to break anytime soon.

Write villains who aren’t even villains. Write antagonists who oppose the hero because of moral differences. Write antagonists who are trying to do the right thing. Write antagonists who treat the heroes with kindness and dignity and respect and gentleness.

They don’t have to be good. They don’t have to be Misunderstood Sweethearts who “deserve” a redemption arc. They can be cruel and nasty and dismissive and callous and violent and etc. etc.

Just hesitate before you make them Evil-with-a-capital-E. Because evil is hard to write, and honestly, boring to read. Flawed human beings with goals and motivations that directly oppose the main characters’ are much easier to write and much more interesting to read.

Ask why. Why is your villain trying to take over the world? What does that even mean? Are they trying to create a Star-Trek-like post-capitalism utopia, but they know that won’t happen in a million lifetimes, so they’re trying to do it by force? Are they actually super in favor of human rights, but they got very impatient waiting for the world to do anything about poverty and war, so they decided to take it into their own hands? Are they determined to fix the world - no matter the cost? Are they terrified and overwhelmed, but committed to see it through to the end? Or - maybe they’re just doing it on a dare. Maybe they don’t really give a shit about world domination, they were just a mediocre rich white guy who decided to fuck around and find out, and now he’s kind of curious how far he can take this thing. And now he’s kind of an internationally-wanted criminal, so he’s kind of stuck living on his hidden private island in his multi-billion dollar secret base, strapping lasers to sharks’ heads for the hell of it. Gross, selfish, uncaring, and dangerous? For sure. Evil? Depends on your definition. See, now we’re getting somewhere.

_-_

13) It’s tempting to let the plot control the characters. It’s easy to drop your characters into a situation and see how they react. But here’s the thing: that doesn’t drive plot. In fact, it bogs down pacing. Instead, try to build you plot off of your characters’ actions and decisions. Let your character build their own situation. Not to say it should go they way they wanted it to go; in fact, usually, their grand plans should go to hell very quickly. But having the characters take action and make decisions, and letting the plot develop based on that, is much easier to make compelling than making a rigid series of events and then trying to herd your characters into them.

_-_

14) Having trouble justifying a character’s actions? Consider having them make the opposite decision, or having them approach the situation in a different way. For example: you need your character to go meet the bad guy, for plot reasons, even though there’s no way it’s not a trap. If the character goes, readers are gonna be groaning with their head in their hands, because c’mon man, that was really fucking stupid. But he’s gotta go, because the plot needs that. Two ways you might handle this: a) He knows it’s probably a trap. He decides not to go. The plot conspires to get him near the villain anyway. Or, b) He knows it’s a trap. But he needs to go, for (insert reasons here). So, he approaches it in an unexpected way. He brings backup, recruiting a side character we met earlier in the story. Or he arrives on the back of a dragon, because ain’t nobody gonna fuck with a dude on a dragon. Or he goes - early, and ambushes the villain. It may work, it may not. He may get himself kidnapped anyway. But it moves the plot along without having Stupid Hero Syndrome.

_-_

15) This is a legit piece of advice: if all of this sounds overwhelming, literally just ignore it and write what you want. For real. Writing should be fun, and every single writer operates differently. If you’re sitting here like “I’m getting stressed just reading this,” just flip me a good-natured bird and get on with your life. I promise I won’t take it personally. Same goes for literally any other writing advice you see. Lots of rules and guidelines can very quickly make anything thoroughly un-fun. Just write. If you’re passionate about it and you do it for long enough, you’ll start figuring out the tips and tricks on your own.

_-_

16) Here’s the best piece of advice I can give you: know your characters. More importantly, know what’s important to them. Build their personality and decisions off of that, and build your plot off of their decisions.

I see a lot of character building sheets that ask a shit-ton of questions like “What’s their most prized possession?” “Do they like their family?” “What’s their favorite food?”

And while these are good questions, my problem with this type of character building is that if you start there, with the little stuff, you’re building on nothing. IMO, to make a truly strong character (not strong like Inner Strength, strong like effective), you need a strong foundation.

Here are the things you must know about your character:

a) What are their greatest fears / deepest insecurities? And I don’t mean “wasps” or “heights.” I mean the deep shit. I mean fears like “living a meaningless life,” or “turning out just like their parents,” or “that no one will ever love them,” or “being powerless.” You may say, “But they’re really scared of wasps! They fall into a wasp nest when they were little and got stung so much they almost died!” Great! That’s a fantastic bit of backstory. They should absolutely be afraid of wasps, and that should absolutely be an impediment later in the story. But dig deeper. What about that event actually scarred them? Was it the helplessness? Stumbling around, swatting at the air, not being able to do a single thing to stop what was happening to them? Was it that they were alone, and no matter how loud they screamed, no one was coming? Was it the bodily horror of feeling themself turn into an inhuman creature as they swelled up from the stings, unable to move their fingers or face normally anymore?

And don’t forget insecurities, because those factor in, too. Are they deeply insecure about their identity? Do they believe, deep down, that they’re ugly? Did they grow up poor and they’ve always been really touchy about that? Why? Dig deep. Figure out what really, really bothers them.

b) What are their hopes and dreams? What do they truly want out of life? What do they consider the most valuable to their experience here in this thing called life? Is it the freedom to forge their own path and be independent? Is it the approval of their family or peers? Is it a home? Is it knowledge, or understanding? Spiritual fulfillment? Is it deeply important to them that they contribute to their community, or protect those they love? What do they need in order to feel truly and deeply fulfilled in life?

Figure out those two things (each one encompasses several things, btw, you don’t have to stop at just one for each), and then use that to inform how they behave and the types of decisions they make within the story. 

It also informs character behavior and personality. 

Let’s say we have a character who’s afraid of helplessness. They’re probably gonna be the person that always wants to do something, try something, no matter how hopeless the situation seems. They’d despise just sitting and waiting, probably, because it makes them feel powerless. They might even be the person that makes rash decisions and acts impulsively and puts themself in danger unnecessarily, because in their mind it’s better than being at the mercy of fate. This is one way you could use a character’s personality to inform their decisions, which in turn helps to inform plot.

Or, let’s say we have a character whose greatest fear is being left behind or forgotten. We may have a chatterbox on our hands. They might be obnoxious. They might love the spotlight, constantly vying for attention no matter the situation, because deep down they’re so afraid that they’d be forgotten otherwise. Or, it may go the opposite way. They may be so afraid of people leaving them that they’re terrified of bothering people. They don’t want to do anything that could annoy people, anything that might give people a reason to leave them. They might be exceedingly polite, quiet, accommodating. A push-over, really.

These are two nearly opposite types of personalities, both stemming from the same core fear/insecurity. You can go a lot of different ways with it. But if you build on that strong foundation, you’ll have a strong character, and a stronger plot.

Likewise, the structure of your story can and should inform the design of these character traits. If you need your characters to team up near the end, it may be impactful if you give your main character a deep fear of commitment, an insecurity about being unwanted or left behind, and make them highly value independence and freedom. That could make their team-up for the final battle very meaningful. Conversely, you can use your character’s deepest fears and desires to help design the plot. Is your character deeply insecure about voicing their opinions or taking a stand, because of trauma they faced in the past? Make them face that. Build that into the climactic third act. Give them the big inspirational speech where they stand up and talk about what they believe to be important, what they think the group should do. And then design that character arc to run through the story, giving you more handholds and stepping stones, more pieces of foundation on which to design the plot.

In this way, character should inform story as much as story informs character. It’s a feedback loop.

Bonus: if you build your character and your plot off of each other in this way, it automatically starts to build in the foundations of that emotional investment I mentioned earlier. If your character’s decisions are based on what they most want and do not want in life, you basically have your character motivation and stakes pre-built.

Note: you need to know these things about your villain, too.

-_-_-

I’m genuinely sorry about the length of this, lmao. But you did ask.

Best of luck!

Edit: I forgot an important one:

17) Start when the scene starts and end when the scene ends.

What do I mean by that?

If your notes say “Danny asks Nicole out after school and majorly flubs it,” start the scene when Danny approaches Nicole after school. Better yet, cold-open the scene on “I was wondering if, you know, you’d wanna. You know. Hang out some time?”

Don’t start that morning when Danny goes to school, unless you’re gonna cover the school day in like one or two sentences. Don’t spend whole paragraphs going through the school day, unless it’s to cover other plot points first (in which case apply these same guidelines there), or if the paragraphs are there for a specific reason, like to illustrate how stressed he is and how it seems like every little thing is going wrong. Even then, trim the fat as much as possible. Expounding and describing everything Moment-to-moment is for the meat of the scenes, not the leading-up-to and coming-away-from.

Here’s my rule of thumb: study how and when movies cut from scene to scene. Movies have exceptionally strict, limited time for storytelling; they’re excellent examples of starting a scene when the plot point starts and ending when it’s over. If you can’t picture a movie showing everything you showed, start the scene later and end it earlier.

[splintergirl13]

Do you have any advice to give to someone who started writing?

Your fanfic also happens to be one of the things that inspired me to start writing fanfics myself! :] <3

Ahhhhhh well first of all congratulations and I'm so proud that you've started writing!

I've had a lot of great support and made a lot of friends through fanfiction. And they've all given me wonderful advice when I've been at low points in my writing process or just in life

And I do have to say I am not a professional writer by any means! I had to bribe my roommate with pizza to grade my essays in order to pass english lol

But as for the things I try to keep in mind when writing fanfic:

- Practice literally makes perfect. I think just writing anything in general is good. I sometimes will stop writing my main fic in pursuit of something that's on my mind at the moment. Sometimes those will become stories that I will add into later chapters. I've been writing since I was in middle school and trust me I've improved so much since my old ff account days

- all of my friends' writing styles are different. Some can sit down and write from beginning to end. Some can knock out some big chucks and then go back and edit piece by piece. I tend to just write whenever I'm bored, whatever is on my mind at the time! I just go with the flow. I do 98% of writing on my phone on the Google docs app. Waiting in line, eating dinner, totally not when im supposed to be working cough. But just know you will probably have a writing style that works for you! And that's okay. Take your time and don't try to force it

- when editing, read the story back to yourself out loud. Does it sound good? Good! That means it probably sounds good to your reader too

- don't worry about word count. Seriously don't.

- be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. This is something I have to remind myself all the time.

- write for yourself. Give yourself everything you want ;) and those are the chapters your readers are going to like the most I promise you

And most importantly, have fun! This is supposed to be fun do not stress!

Can't wait to read your stuff :D let us know when/if you've published if you feel comfortable!

[ithehellisbucky]

Fake Smile

Carol Danvers x Reader

Request: for @marvels-writings

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Hatred, grief, suicide, etc

Author's Note: This is for @marvelxreaderfanfictionfest's contest last year, it's already on ao3 here. They have a great contest opening on may tenth for the mcu ladies, so go check that out! There isn't enough wlw fanfiction in this fandom (or really any).

~

You could swear her skin was glowing. Or at the very least reflecting the colors around her. Soft golden light shone around onto her face from the cracked window next to her chair, and she basked in the light as if she had just won every award the world had to offer. She didn't have the right to be this fucking pretty.

Her golden hair floated around her head, almost literally, forming a halo that made her look even more like an angel. Her skin was only several shades lighter, and her cheeks scrunched up in a way when she laughed that you could only describe as euphoric. Her piercing blue eyes only complimented her features, and your eyes were instantly drawn to her impossible beautiful cheekbones.

If only the woman below that was as beautiful as the face it belonged to.

Carol was the enemy. Not literally, of course. But she was the enemy. Utterly unsympathetic when you had told her about the death of your best friend in the dusting, you had grown to despise her within mere minutes of a word coming out of her mouth.

She laughed like she didn't notice you glaring. And when she finally locked eyes with you, her lips formed a smirk and kept on giggling.

In the brief days that she had returned to earth, she made it her mission to do everything for the sole purpose of lighting rage inside your chest. No one had the right to make you feel this way, least of all her.

She had returned to earth to "check-in." In the past 3 years since the snap, the world had taken a turn for the worst. Not only was every other person gone, but the death toll was slowly rising. Crime rates were increasing, and the suicide toll was only getting higher.

Every single damn day of your life you had dedicated yourself to helping the people on earth, and the only thing she had on her mind was the big picture. Trying to bring people back that couldn't be brought back. Bullshit.

All you were trying to do was make sure that the people who had left stayed alive.

"Ava? Would you like a scone." She said it in a normal voice, but you could feel the passion behind the words.

"No thank you. I'm careful about what I let others feed me. Because I'm careful. Unlike some other people I know." You say in the most passive and sickly sweet voice you could muster.

"I'm very cautious about keeping myself, and others, safe. I'm just nice enough to do it politely." She responded in the same voice as before.

"Carol, Ava. Do I need to remind you that this is a professional meeting, where we are to talk about important topics only." Nat said in a stone-cold tone. Natasha was never the most playful person, to begin with, but in the past 3 years, things had taken a turn for the worse.

When someone is already flying by the seat of their pants and is about as stable as a bull in a china shop, you tend not to provoke them. And by provoke, I mean of course murdering half of humanity.

"I was being professionally, just Carol here was-"

Natasha sharply cuts you off. " Ava. "

"Fine." You say, internally rolling your eyes.

Carol looks you dead in the eyes and gives you a smirk. Damn this woman.

You had been through hell. You had talking people of bridges, you had stood up for abuse victims in court, you had watched the people you had loved die. You were a stone-cold bitch. But with Carol, you might as well be a 2-year-old with a pair of scissors and a disturbing lack of adult supervision.

Once the meeting was over, you sparked a conversation with Natasha. "Hey Nat, do you wanna get some lunch?"

She looked at you, and then down at her phone, and then at you again. "Um, I can't. Not today." She looks behind her shoulder, and a sinister smirk creeps onto her features. "But I'm sure Carol would love to go out with you."

"Natasha, no. I said no."

Her menacing grin only intensifies. "Oh come on Ava, you could cut the sexual tension between the two of you with a knife."

"It's not sexual tension. It's just tension. Because we hate each other."

"Mm, I don't think so." She turns over her shoulder and calls to the blonde. "Carol, could you come here for a sec?"

Carol's head perks up, and she walks towards Nat, a scowl forming on her face when she sees that you're next to her. "What is it?"

"Do you want to go to lunch. Will Ava and I?" She questions politely.

"That sounds great, but doesn't Ava have to do that... Thing?"

You turn on your sickly sweet smile for what seems like the ten-thousandth time. "No, I canceled it. Just. To. Have. Lunch. With. You."

Natasha is almost guffawing at this interaction between the two of you. "Alright then, lunch it is!" She starts walking right without any hesitation, and both you and Carol have to run to catch up to her.

"I saw this cute little Italian place. Do you want to go-"

"Chili's." Natasha stops her pace and looks back at you.

"What. It's an incredible experience that I'm sure we'll all enjoy."

It's now Natasha's turn to wear the fake smile. "Great."

You reach Natasha's car, and she quickly whips out her car keys.

"Oh, we're riding together?" Carol exclaims with disgust.

"Yeah, saves energy," Natasha exclaims as she checks her phone.

"I call shotgun!" You counter, trying to do anything to get away from Carol.

"No shotgun. I think it would be nice for the two of you to bond. I wish it was in a bedroom, but a car will do." Natasha says, still looking down at her phone.

"What was that?" You asked, hoping that you didn't hear what you thought you heard.

"No shotgun, window's broken." She replies, opening the door.

You and Carol squeeze into the back seat. It wasn't a tight fit, by any means; but anywhere that isn't 50 feet apart from her is hell on earth. How was she so fucking pretty.

Every time your skin brushed together you shot up as if you had just touched a shock wire. The glares passed between the two of you could freeze even the darkest parts of hell.

As you were getting out of the car, you slammed the door in Carol's face. She opening it, and it was obvious she was pissed.

"Oh come on, you're a fucking superhero, if you're afraid of a car door then you're in the wrong line of work."

She doesn't respond to you and instead flashes you one of her infamous fake smiles.

The Chili's is cozy, with only 15 or so booths, less than 5 of them preoccupied. The hostess kindly led you to a booth, in the corner of the room. You slide into the booth first, and your shoulder pushed against the plastic wallpaper when you moved into your seat.

Carol takes her position in the seat in front of you. Natasha doesn't sit down.

She makes deadly eye contact with you as she pulls her phone out from inside her pocket. "Oh look, I just got a text message." She exclaims, not breaking eye contact.

Natasha quickly flashes you the screen of her phone, showing that in fact, she had not gotten a message. "I have to go. Emergency."

"Are you sure." You say, yet again feigning a smile.

"I'm positive, there's an emergency at work."

Carol attempts to get up and join Natasha before Nat gives Carol a disapproving glance.

"There's always going to be an emergency, but there isn't always going to be lunch." You say, cocking your head and putting on a smirk.

"No," Natasha says. And smiles at the two of you. "Have fun."

You flip her the bird, and without even turning around she returns the favor.

"This is going to be fine." You say.

"Yep," Carol responds, popping the p.

The two of you study the menu for a couple more minutes.

You begin to notice that whenever you adjust yourself Carol does the same, and you do as well, subconsciously.

The waitress walks up to you and politely introduces herself. She asked you what you wanted and, without skipping a beat, you ordered yourself the best thing on the menu, and Carol the worst. She looked as if she was going to protest, but at that point, the waitress had walked away. And all you did was sit there and smirk.

The tension in the room was not sexual. The hatred you felt in your heart for her and the simultaneous need to kiss her and have her kiss you back was not sexual, in any way shape or form.

"So." You promptly exclaimed, in the most positive voice that you could muster.

"Yes," Carol responded, deadlocking her eyes onto yours.

The longer you stared into her eyes the more love you felt. You lost yourself in the depths of her eyes as if you were Alice just entering wonderland. The smile lines surrounding her lips were faded and it seemed as if she hadn't cracked a grin in decades. Her fair hair fell into her eyes, and she quickly brushed it out of the way with one unmanicured finger.

"Why the fuck are we doing this?" She asks, avoiding your gaze.

"What do you mean?" You counter, plastering on another one of your on-brand fake smiles.

"Forcing ourselves to sit in this hell-ish place just for the courtesy of Natasha."

You tilt your head slightly and regain eye contact, "oh, so you want to leave?" You politely ask, knowing all to well the stir that you would get from Nat if you left now.

"No, of course not." She said, rolling her eyes. "But, why would she ever think that I would ever want to be around you for longer than the 5 seconds that are already peeling off my eyes."

"It's nice to see how kind you are to the people around you." You respond, attempting to be as harmful as she was even though you were internally hurt.

"But now that you mention it, I'm realizing how shitty it is that I have to engage in conversation with someone as horrible as you." You winced, and you were positive that she didn't notice either, because she was doing the same.

"What are your powers then, fixing computers?" She mocked you with a smile "oh, the world is ending. Look, someone to get rid of a faulty line on my phone."

"Oh yeah, I forgot that you were a dinosaur. I'm sorry, we don't use phones bolted to the wall in national security." You exclaimed. You wouldn't usually be so harsh, but her words were causing you to lash out.

"At least I can hold up in a fistfight." She said, putting on another mask of a hollow smile.

"I can hold up in a fistfight just fine, but can you hold up with a speakerphone button on an iPhone?" Ah yes, another hollow shot at her prehistoric days.

"You know, for someone how talks all this talk, I'm shocked that you can't actually do anything. Oh wait, I'm not. Sorry, Princess, you're all bark and no bite."

"Excuse me, I forget I was talking to someone who flies around in a space-suit and mohawk." Yet again another fake smile.

The two of you continued to bicker for another few minutes until the waitress comes over with your food.

"I can't believe that you would do such an ignorant f-"

"Hi, I have your food." A woman with a positive attitude and a braid crown places your meals in front of you.

You quickly stopped your argument and the both of you put on yet another fake smile to make it seem like you weren't two seconds away from causing an avengers level threat.

"Thank you so much."

"Really, we really appreciate it."

The second the woman walked away you were back at each other's throats.

But, somehow, Carol was still gorgeous all the while she was yelling at you and eating a shrimp on top of a salad drenched in vinegar.

"Seriously, you're so incompetent." You quickly burst out when she notices you staring.

"Maybe you wouldn't worry so much about me if you were actually doing your job." She responds, rolling her eyes.

"I am sweetie; I'm just good enough at it to be able to pay attention to your uselessness."

"You're too kind." She exclaims as she reaches for a napkin that you quickly pull away from her.

"What I find especially depressing about you is that you will never grow. You're the same person. You're stuck in a box. You will never be better than what you are now. And what you are is shitty." She looks up at you, " Princess ."

You pull back from your meal in shock. You couldn't believe that she had said something like that to you. It pointed out everything you had ever worried about yourself.

"I can't believe you. Why are you so relentlessly horrible to me? What have I done to you? I get when you take cheap shots. I take cheap shots all the time. I don't hate you. Why do you hate me?! I don't hate you! I love you!"

Carol freezes up. Everyone in Chili's looks at you. You were screaming. And you had just told Carol you loved her. You told her you loved her.  You loved her.

"What?" She says in a meek voice.

"I'm so sorry Carol, I was just-" She kisses you.

Carol kisses you.

Carol puts her lips on yours and kisses you.

And you kiss you back.

She's leaning over the table and knocked both your plates off the table and knocked you drinks over. You feel the liquid on your knees as you climb onto the table and place yourself on top of it. You kiss and you kiss until the rest of the world is null and void.

You only pull away for air, and when you're doing so Carol whispers a careful "I'm sorry."

You keep on kissing and kissing.

"I love you, I love you, I'm sorry, I love you." Muttered between you.

You finally pull away and stare into each other's eyes for a minute, basking in the beauty of her blue orbs.

"I feel god in this Chili's tonight." You breathlessly exclaim.

She laughs a beautiful, glorious laugh, and then leans in to kiss you again.

~Requests are open~

New fics out most Saturdays (check on Masterlist or bio in case the day changes) 💜💜💜💜

~Taglists are open~

Permanent Tags: @natasha-danvers​

Marvel:

TUA:

Criminal Minds:

[itsclydebitches]

Here's a quandary I've suddenly found myself in: where do you stand on writers deleting their own works, fanfiction or otherwise? I've had this happen to me on more than one occasion - I go to look for an old favorite and find it's since been deleted from whatever site I read it on.

On the one hand, I'm inclined to think that, "Sure. The author wrote it, it's their call. I don't own the work - I certainly didn't pay for it. It's their decision, even if it's disappointing."

But at the same time I can't help but consider the alternative - if I believe in death of the author (and I do), that an author's work fundamentally isn't solely theirs once it's been published, posted, etc., then it also seems wrong to have a work deleted. Stories aren't the sole property of their creator, after all.

But then I circle back. D'you think there are different obligations between authors and readers and the works being made in fandom space? I know if I had bought a book and the author decided they wanted it back, I would feel pretty comfortable telling them no, given I'd paid for it and whatnot. But that's a different world from fanfic and fandom space generally.

So. You're insightful Clyde, I'm curious as to what you'll have to say here (and to all y'all thinking about it, don't flame me. I haven't decided where I stand here yet - haven't heard a good nail-in-the-coffin argument for or against yet).

Val are you a mind reader now? I’ve been thinking about this exact conundrum the last few days!

(And yeah, as a general disclaimer: no flaming. Not allowed. Any asks of the sort will be deleted on sight and with great satisfaction.)

Honestly, I’m not sure there is a “nail-in-the-coffin argument” for this, just because—as you lay out—there are really good points for keeping works around and really good points for allowing authors to have control over their work, especially when fanworks have no payment/legal obligations attached. In mainstream entertainment, your stories reflect a collaborative effort (publisher, editor, cover artists, etc.) so even if it were possible to delete the physical books out of everyone’s home and library (and we're ignoring the censorship angle for the moment), that’s no longer solely the author’s call, even if they have done the lion’s share of the creative work. Though fanworks can also, obviously, be collaborative, they’re usually not collaborative in the same way (more “This fic idea came about from discord conversations, a couple tumblr posts, and that one headcanon on reddit”) and they certainly don’t have the same monetary, legal, and professional strings attached. I wrote this fic as a hobby in my free time. Don’t I have the right to delete it like I also have the right to tear apart the blankets I knit?

Well yes… but also no? I personally view fanworks as akin to gifts—the academic term for our communities is literally “gift economy”—so if we view it like that, suddenly that discomfort with getting rid of works is more pronounced. If I not only knit a blanket, but then gift it to a friend, it would indeed feel outside of my rights to randomly knock on their door one day and go, “I actually decided I hate that? Please give it back so I can tear it to shreds, thanks :)” That’s so rude! And any real friend would try to talk me out of it, explaining both why they love the blanket and, even if it’s not technically the best in terms of craftsmanship, it holds significant emotional value to them. Save it for that reason alone, at least. Fanworks carry that same meaning—“I don’t care if it’s full of typos, super cliché, and using some outdated, uncomfortable tropes. This story meant so much to me as a teenager and I’ll always love it”—but the difference in medium and relationships means it’s easier to ignore all that. I’m not going up to someone’s house and asking face-to-face to destroy something I gave them (which is awkward as hell. That alone deters us), I’m just pressing a button on my computer. I’m not asking this of a personal friend that is involved in my IRL experiences, I’m (mostly) doing this to online peers I know little, if anything, about. It’s easy to distance ourselves from both the impact of our creative work and the act of getting rid of it while online. On the flip-side though, it’s also easier to demean that work and forget that the author is a real person who put a lot of effort into this creation. If someone didn’t like my knitted blanket I gave them as a gift, they’re unlikely to tell me that. They recognize that it’s impolite and that the act of creating something for them is more important than the construction’s craftsmanship. For fanworks though, with everyone spread around the world and using made up identities, people have fewer filters, happily tearing authors to shreds in the comments, sending anon hate, and the like. The fact that we’re both prefacing this conversation with, “Please don’t flame” emphasizes that. So if I wrote a fic with some iffy tropes, “cringy” dialogue, numerous typos, whatever and enough people decided to drag me for it�� I don’t know whether I’d resist the urge to just delete the fic, hopefully ending those interactions. There’s a reason why we’re constantly reminding others to express when they enjoy someone else’s work: the ratio of praise to criticism in fandom (or simply praise to seeming indifference because there was no public reaction at all), is horribly skewed.

So I personally can’t blame anyone for deleting. I’d like to hope that more people realize the importance of keeping fanworks around, that everything you put out there is loved by someone… but I’m well aware that the reality is far more complicated. It’s hard to keep that in mind. It’s hard to keep something around that you personally no longer like. Harder still to keep up a work you might be harassed over, that someone IRL discovered, that you’re disgusted with because you didn’t know better back then… there are lots of reasons why people delete and I ultimately can’t fault them for that. I think the reasons why people delete stem more from problems in fandom culture at large—trolling, legal issues, lack of positive feedback, cancel culture, etc.—than anything the author has or has not personally done, and since such work is meant to be a part of an enjoyable hobby… I can’t rightly tell anyone to shoulder those problems, problems they can’t solve themselves, just for the sake of mine or others’ enjoyment. The reason I’ve been thinking about this lately is because I was discussing Attack on Titan and how much I dislike the source material now, resulting in a very uncomfortable relationship with the fics I wrote a few years back. I’ve personally decided to keep them up and that’s largely because some have received fantastic feedback and I’m aware of how it will hurt those still in the fandom if I take them down. So if a positive experience is the cornerstone of me keeping fics up, I can only assume that negative experiences would likewise been the cornerstone of taking them down. And if getting rid of that fic helps your mental health, or solves a bullying problem, or just makes you happier… that, to me, is always more important than the fic itself.

But, of course, it’s still devastating for everyone who loses the work, which is why my compromise-y answer is to embrace options like AO3’s phenomenal orphaning policy. That’s a fantastic middle ground between saving fanworks and allowing authors to distances themselves from them. I’ve also gotten a lot more proactive about saving the works I want to have around in the future. Regardless of whether we agree with deleting works or not, the reality is we do live in a world where it happens, so best to take action on our own to save what we want to keep around. Though I respect an author’s right to delete, I also respect the reader’s right to maintain access to the work, once published, in whatever way they can. That's probably my real answer here: authors have their rights, but readers have their rights too, so if you decide to publish in the first place, be aware that these rights might, at some point, clash. I download all my favorite fics to Calibre and, when I’m earning more money (lol) I hope to print and bind many for my personal library. I’m also willing to re-share fic if others are looking for them, in order to celebrate the author’s work even if they no longer want anything to do with it. Not fanfiction in this case, but one of my fondest memories was being really into Phantom of the Opera as a kid and wanting, oh so desperately, to read Susan Kay’s Phantom. Problem was, it was out of print at the time, not available at my library, and this was before the age of popping online and finding a used copy. For all intents and purposes, based on my personal situation, this was a case of a book just disappearing from the world. So when an old fandom mom on the message boards I frequented offered to type her copy up chapter by chapter and share it with me, you can only imagine how overjoyed I was. Idk what her own situation was that something like scanning wouldn’t work, but the point is she spent months helping a fandom kid she barely knew simply because a story had resonated with her and she wanted to share it. That shit is powerful!

So if someone wants to delete—if that’s something they need right now—I believe that is, ultimately, their decision… but please try your hardest to remember that the art you put out into the world is having an impact and people will absolutely miss it when it’s gone. Often to the point of doing everything they can to put it back out into the world even if you decide to take it out. Hold onto that feeling. The love you have for your favorite fic, fanart, meta, whatever it is? Someone else has that for your work too. I guarantee it.

So take things down as needed, but for the love of everything keep copies for yourself. You may very well want to give it back to the world someday.

[grapenehifics]

Chapter One

This is my blog about my Star Wars fanfiction, Solsbury Hill. You can find it on AO3 here.

I wrote this in a year, which is...frankly it's fucking incredible, and I need to remind myself that it's okay to say that. By NaNoWriMo standards, I wrote somewhere between six and eight books last year, while also working full-time and going to grad school part-time, in a global pandemic. Fucking hell!

I've never actually finished writing a book before. But this? This I finished. Yes, it sustained my interest, but I also finally worked out how to push through things even when I'm not feeling it. Well, maybe 'push through' isn't right. Writer's block is, at least for me, just my brain's way of telling me that whatever I'm having my character(s) do, is not the right thing for them to be doing. And once I find where the problem is (and usually sleep on it for a few nights), I can generally figure it out. All of this is to say, even if Solsbury Hill ends up being total crap, it made me a better writer, and was still an extremely useful and moving experience to me on a personal level.

(I don't think it's crap; actually I'm incredibly proud of it. Every once in a while I'll read something in it back to myself and think, hot damn! But I reserve the right to change my mind over time [lots of things I thought were good when I wrote them when I was younger I look back on now and think, yeesh], and honestly I expect myself to grow and change as a person and a writer as I get older. I'm doing it wrong if I don't! This story is very, VERY much of the time when I wrote it, and I love that it's reflective of me and what I was going through between late 2020 and early 2022, because I don't keep a diary otherwise so this is sort of it, baby. But it's okay if it's not objectively good. It's not like I'm getting paid for this.)

The parts I knew when I started were that I wanted to develop the idea that Obi-Wan is not Anakin's father, but was thrust largely unexpectedly and almost against his will into a father-like role, which as they grew and because they are who they are ended up being more like that of brothers, one a little older than the other and therefore on paper the one in charge, but that Obi-Wan came to rely just as heavily on Anakin as Anakin does on Obi-Wan. I wanted that claustrophobic sort of feeling that the two of them were all but abandoned by the system, and so developed this almost codependent relationship because there was no one coming to rescue them or support them. To follow canon, Obi-Wan needed to have some sort of ostensible teacher/mentor role over Anakin, but what would that look like in a modern setting...?

I considered a couple of different things, that I still reserve the right to write about because I still think they're good ideas. An orchestra AU would be super fun - I have no idea how to write about strings but Anakin as a trumpet or tuba player who can't press the valves after a hand injury, maybe? I even thought about making them rugby players instead of swimmers (Obi-Wan being British would make a lot more sense in that AU). But, while I don't know as much about swimming as I do about orchestra, I know enough about it to make it work (I hope), and having a character whose physicality is based on Hayden Christensen's was just too good an opportunity to pass up. He just looks like a swimmer - that inverted triangle body shape, broad shoulders, narrow waist, big hands - and it felt right for him to have a single mom who dumped him in a pool because she needed something to get all that excess energy out of him, and then discovered he could do it at a professional level. And to make Obi-Wan the one who is also good at it, but only because he really works at it, not because he has any natural gift for it, and gets annoyed when Anakin wants to coast on the fact that his body can do things 'normal' people can't do without even trying, and this gives Anakin a complex (after Palpatine suggests it to him) that Obi-Wan is secretly jealous of the things Anakin can do and Obi-Wan couldn't (even if no such issue actually exists).

But now I'm getting ahead of myself. That all comes up in later chapters (at least I hope it does. If I've done my job right). Chapter one is about establishing who they are at this particular age, how they met, and a little bit about where they were (parents, foster care, etc.) that we'll continue to play with as the story goes on.

-I'm literally just using Obi-Wan as a mouthpiece here to espouse getting pierced at tattoo parlors. Do not go to Claire's! Needles are safer, more sanitary, and they hurt less than guns.

-The bit about ice cubes is straight out of the Parent Trap remake. Thanks, Lindsey Lohan!

I'll also take a quick second just to say that, while I considered just dropping this whole story all at once (it's done; I have it in Word; I could do it), I love serialization so much as a reader that I wanted to emulate that in my writing, too. Even with TV I prefer weekly episode drops over bingeing a whole series at once. It gives me big Charles Dickens vibes and I'm into that.

Until next week!